Realise Truth Is Stranger Than Fiction

It’s not very often you hear the words “Please can you buy me some peacock eggs from eBay?” trill down the telephone from your borderline-crazy mother. Her madness and spontaneity still takes me by surprise even though I should really be used to it by now. Anyway, who knew that you could buy eggs from eBay? Particularly peacock eggs. Well, for £10 each you can purchase beautiful Pure Bred Indian Blue Peafowl/Peacock hatching eggs and my Mum’s idea is that she is going to pop them under one of our very broody hens and hopefully she will look after them as if they are her own.

As usual, this is another of my mother’s ridiculous ideas so it is only right that she keeps it Top Secret from my Dad. So of course, her way of being ultra-subtle about wanting a peacock for a pet, was to be talked into possibly adopting a fully grown – I repeat fully grown – peacock by a neighbour’s friend because he was too noisy and boisterous for his current owners. “Too noisy” and “boisterous” – apparently the two deciding (and attractive) factors when choosing a new pet in my Mum’s eyes. So when she pulled into the driveway with a bloody great big peacock on her lap my Dad rightly lost the plot a little bit. He demanded that she take him back right away and dispel anymore silly ideas like this from her mind. Little does he know that there are two babies on the way in the chicken coop a mere 200 yards from his front door.

Poor fella. And when I texted my Mum the other afternoon from uni asking her how she plans to break the fantastic news of more peacocks to my Dad in approximately 28 days she responded with the ever-eloquent: “F*** knows.”